If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
