I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
