This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize