dude i'm inner monologue high
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
