wrigley field is MILF paradise
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
