Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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