Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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