If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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