we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
