Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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