I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
