I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
