I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
