Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
