dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
