Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
