i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
