Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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