u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
we're making bets on your personal life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
