I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I forget how to act sober
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
