You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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