Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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