I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
