You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
