IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
