i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
