FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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