Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
