You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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