the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
