me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
