A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
