so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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