Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
