We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I need moral support for this bender
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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