How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
