That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
