the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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