My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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