Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
