I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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