you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
