I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
