yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We need to get me chipped asap
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
