My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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