You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
