no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
