I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
