I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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