don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
