Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
