That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
