Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
