I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
