i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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