I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
