I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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