And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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