well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
