I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
