I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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