Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
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