Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
