Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
