do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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