what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My dick has a subreddit
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
