toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
