5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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