I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sext me about skeletons
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
