apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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