Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
