need another drink. this is the easiest way
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
