So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
