You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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