dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
