I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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