eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
