I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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