I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
