Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
