i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
